Ozzfest Night

After a great return last week with Spice Girls Night, it was finally time for Ozzfest Night! Okay, so here’s a fun fact about me. I really like rock music. I don’t know why, but I always have. Maybe it’s from my brother playing Guitar Hero a lot when we were younger, or maybe it was my mom introducing me to the former classic rock radio station 95.9 The Fox. Whatever the reason, I really like rock music, and I am genuinely surprised by how few rock performances the show has had over the course of 14 seasons, how few rock performers have been contestants already, and how few rock theme nights the show has already had. So, obviously I was looking forward to this theme night, as not only were we going to hear some great rock songs from one of the greatest artists of all time, it was also going to serve as a sweet tribute to him.

I would also like to remind you all of one important thing. The episode was Ozzfest Night specifically, which was the music festival tour that he used to have that featured several other rock and metal artists. I am saying this because hours before the episode premiered, I found that two contestants would be performing Ozzy Osbourne songs, and the other two would be performing songs from other artists entirely that have performed at Ozzfest.

The episode started off the only way that it could have: with a group performance from the four contestants on this episode of Crazy Train. As I have said so many times in the past, I really enjoy these group performances, as they give the contestants a chance to stand out together, and in this case, it was a group performance of an amazing song.

From there, Nick Cannon introduced the guest panelist for the episode, who was Ozzy Osbourne’s daughter and The Ladybug from Season 2, Kelly Osbourne. I’m sure that almost all of you reading this have seen some things about her recently, and respectfully, I am going to choose not to get into it. I am instead going to say that she is going through the hardest time in her life, and with the help of her family and friends, I hope that she is able to find some peace. 

From there, it was time for the first performer of the night, which was High Voltage. Before I get into his clue package, I need to bring up how cute it was that he dressed for the occasion. What I mean is that for the episode, he was wearing sunglasses that looked similar to the ones Ozzy Osbourne was famous for wearing, and a bandana. It has been a while since a contestant has dressed in accordance with their performance. In fact, after much thinking, I think the last time it happened was all the way back in Season 5, when The Russian Dolls performed I’m Still Standing, and also dressed like Elton John.

In the clue package for High Voltage, he said that he grew up listening to Ozzy Osbourne, was a big fan, and that they both knew what it was like to break out from a group and go solo. He then said that he had his own band of brothers, and they went through everything together: the practices, the victories, and the defeats, but he knew that if he wanted higher stakes in the game, he had to do more than just play. He then said that he cut the cord and went out on his own, and it could have been a huge disaster, but he crushed it, and now he runs businesses, bands, and podcasts, anything to stay current. Visual clues included a sign that said “Best Voltage 95 Cents,” a jar of green jam, and a ticket with a cowboy hat on it. 

He then went on to give a great performance of Paranoid by Black Sabbath, during which he showed off all the power in his voice, and continued to show off a surprising amount of range from his previous performances.

After the performance, an additional clue was brought out, which was a note that said "Bandwagon,” and High Voltage then said that because of him and others, some people jump on to the bandwagon.

I still agree with the popular guess on the internet, which is that High Voltage is Alexi Lalas. A lot of the clues on this episode were referring to his soccer career, as he played in the 1994 FIFA World Cup for the United States, in which he was a standout player, and because of him, many Americans jumped on the soccer bandwagon, and after that, he decided to play for Italy’s Serie A as a member of Calcio Padova, which was a huge risk that paid off, and also explains the sign that said “95 cents,” the jar of jam is referring to his career as a musician, him running a business is referring to him being the president of the LA Galaxy soccer team from 2006 to 2008, he has played in a band called The Gypsies, and he hosts a podcast called State Of The Union, and the cowboy hat is referring to what he usually wears during appearances.

The next performer of the night was Galaxy Girl. In her clue package, she said that it was an honor to pay tribute to Ozzy Osbourne, especially at Ozzfest, as her first concert was Lilith Fair, and she remembered seeing the girls on the stage and how much she wanted to be like them. She then said that for years, she was lost in the background and wasn’t the one who sang, so she kept that dream a secret, and would wait until everyone left the house, sit by the piano, and sing at the top of her lungs. She then said that when she finally built up the confidence to tell her family, they didn’t want her to get her hopes up or fail, so she was so nervous to sing and was expecting the worst, but everyone was shocked because she was totally good. Visual clues included a spider, a water gondola, a record called “Dream” with clouds on it, and a clock set at 10:10.

She then went on to give a great performance of Drive by Incubus, which was perfect for her voice. At the end of her performance, she did a quick little jig, which is actually very important in terms of clues.

After her performance, an additional clue was brought out, which was a note that said “Halo,” and Galaxy Girl then said that not everyone earns a halo in life, but she has earned one in her lifetime.

I still agree with the popular guess on the internet, which is also what Kelly Osbourne guessed, which is that Galaxy Girl is Ashlee Simpson. She is the younger sister of pop singer Jessica Simpson, and she eventually came out of her shadow and started her own music career and played at several music festivals, the album that said “Dream” is referring to her song Never Dream Alone, the water gondola is referring to her Vegas residency at The Venetian, where gondola rides are a tourist attraction, the word “Halo” is referring to her role on the show 7th Heaven, and the jig she did after her performance was very similar to the one she did during her infamous Saturday Night Live performance.

The next performer of the night was Eggplant. I am not going to get into his clue package for reasons that you can probably already guess, but I will say that he told a story about how he ended up in a relationship with a famous rock star’s girlfriend.

After the clue package, he gave a great performance of One Step Closer by Linkin Park, and while I do think that it was great, I will admit that it was probably not the best song for his voice, as it is objectively a heavy metal song, and he does not have a heavy metal voice. I know it sounds like I’m insulting him and I hated his performance, but I really didn’t. I still thought it was very good. It’s just that he went for a song that was outside of his Q Zone. Also I’m going to give a million points to anyone who understands that reference. 

While the panelists were making their guesses, none of them guessed Jack Wagner, so I figured that by the time he gets unmasked, it would either stay that way or one panelist would figure it out at the last possible minute.

The final performer of the night was Pangolin. In her clue package, she said that it was an honor to be part of the tribute to Ozzy Osbourne, as he was such an inspiration and stood up for himself, and she has learned how to do that too. She then said that when she was starting out, she was working and living out of her van on the brink of giving up, but then fame suddenly hit and she was pulled in so many directions, and she felt the need to please everyone, or what she had worked so hard for might all go away, but sometimes all it takes is a powerful song to pull you out of the darkness, and she found hers, and it became her armor to stand up for herself. She then finished off her clue package by saying “Kelly, I know you've lost more than we can imagine. You are not alone. All of us have been so fortunate to honor your dad tonight, and we hope, even if for just a moment, we've made you feel at home.” Visual clues included a kettle bell with a heart on it, the word “Fame,” a fire breathing man, a tip jar, and a horse with the number 1000 draped over it.

She then went on to give an amazing performance of Mama, I’m Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne, during which she showed off all the power and emotion in her voice.

After the performance, an additional clue was brought out, which was a note that said “Diamond,” and Pangolin then said that she has hit plenty of milestones, but this one truly shimmered.

I still agree with the popular guess on the internet, which is that Pangolin is Rachel Platten. The story that she told in her clue package is exactly the same as how her career has played out, and the song that she is talking about is Fight Song, the number 1000 is referring to her song 1000 Ships, the fire breathing man is referring to her album Wildfire, and the Diamond is referring to her headlining a gala with Super Diamond, a Neil Diamond tribute band, and cowriting Angelina Jordan’s song Diamond.

After that, it was time for the audience and the panelists to vote on their favorites of the night, and the two singers with the most votes were Galaxy Girl and Pangolin, which did not surprise me, and it also led to a cute moment with the two of them excitedly celebrating having just won. 

This meant that Eggplant and High Voltage were going to compete in the Battle Royale, which for this episode was renamed the Ozzfest Royale. Okay, here’s a quick little piece of information for all of you reading. As soon as I saw what songs were going to be performed by the contestants, I said to my dad “I’m calling it right now: the song that is going to be performed in whatever they call the Battle Royale this episode is going to be Iron Man by Black Sabbath.” And sure enough, I was right, and I genuinely believe that both contestants did a great job performing it, and it genuinely could have gone either way. 

Unfortunately, it can only go one way: the way the panelists vote, and despite how much my mom wanted Eggplant to win, High Voltage was declared the winner, which meant that it was time for Eggplant to unmask.

When the panelists were making their final guesses, as I predicted, none of them guessed correctly, and the internet was proven to be right yet again, as he was revealed to be actor and singer Jack Wagner. 

Overall, this was certainly another amazing episode of Season 14 of The Masked Singer, and I’ll see you all next week with, and I still can’t believe that I am saying this, Care Bears Night!